Just a thought

“Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy.”

— Nora Ephron

This got me thinking. I'm told I'm crazy on a daily basis. I've gotten so used to it it doesn't affect me anymore. It's grown so common, it no longer holds me prisoner. I remember when being called crazy would tick me off so much I'd throw fits. Questioning to myself why? Why am I crazy? What did I do to be crazy? How is this crazy? What's wrong with being crazy? Crazy...what is crazy? Crazy, it's a word. It's a category. It's a placeholder. A placeholder for different. So yes, I'm crazy, I'm weird, but I don't take it as the offending word it's meant to be. Instead I replace it with different, because that's what I am. And that's what you are. We are all different yet we are all the same. Just because I'm not afraid to express myself, to open up, does not make me any more different then the person who is afraid of letting it out or the person in between who is discreet about it.

You. Are. Crazy. If you can't realize it. You are not only crazy --literally-- you are also unaware. Crazy can apply to people who speak their minds without a moment's thought or to people who are psychotic. There's a huge difference between these kinds of people. Psychotics can't help themselves, those who prefer to be true to themselves can. But instead of following the crowd, the herd of sheep before them, in which they can blend in easily if they prefer and lead a simple but boring life, if they so choose, these types of people don't. They don't want to be bland, they don't want to be sheep following the flock. No, not a leader either, an individual. A wolf that doesn't require a wolf pack. Be your own person. Just don't be afraid. It's fear that holds us back more than anything. Fear that keeps us static, at a stand-still. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the truth. And the truth is right before your eyes, staring right back at you.

I have more negative traits than I do positive, so rest assured, you're not alone. My positive qualities I try to use more often because when I wake up every morning, I want to make a difference. I'm sure everyone does. But who really ever actually tries? I want to make at least one person know how blessed they are. I want to make them smile. Sometimes, most of the time, I do it by pointing out their flaws to make them change it. It's not very effective let me tell you. But I'm changing. Improving. Everyday, a constant change for the better. I hope.

I can be and I am selfish, tactless, fickle, ignorant, opinionated, arrogant, never serious, too serious, melodramatic, righteous, indifferent, aggressive, demanding, lazy, argumentative, condescending, unappreciative, cruel, manipulative, destructive, stubborn, obsessive, self-absorbed, naive, interfering, fussy, pretentious, superficial, unyielding, oversensitive, biased, short-tempered, impulsive, restless, devious, materialistic, self-indulgent and impatient.

So sure I'm all these things, but some of these things I can't help and some of these things I do out of spite. Which is terrible, yes, but most of things I do is to help. I'm interfering because I want to help, I'm unyielding because I have hope, I'm biased because I love. These things are difficult to change, these traits will always be evident in me, but boy what I would do to change them. I'm not perfect, clearly. And I will never be even if I wanted to strive for perfection. There is absolutely no way one can completely rid themselves of the bad. Within all of us is hate but we are all capable of love. Capable of being good. The only difference between a good and a bad person is their willingness to be good even if they are a murderer or a liar. If they're willing to change, to repent, they can. Everyone has potential. So much, yet so few people realize it. It's in there, just waiting to be released.

I'm just one big contradiction, but I try, so hard to let my positive traits outweigh the negative ones, because everyone deserves a chance. Everyone deserves kindness. Everyone deserves love. And I may have a lot of negativity in me, but there's one thing I can assure you I'll never have. Hate. And I'll tell you this. You are so beautiful. More beautiful than you will ever know. Everyone can be the beautiful person they're meant to be if they want to be. All it takes is a little will with a pinch of love.