Exhausting

I'm improving. I know I am. I wish it wasn't easier said than done, but it takes time. I can't just magically transform into the ideal being overnight, but how I wish I could. There is no ideal being, or at least I haven't come across one yet. We all have our preferences, and I have mine. I doubt I'll ever find another who'll live up to my standards, so I'll try to myself. I can't just snap a finger and hope that I will change. I know by the time I'm middle-aged I will still have a lot to learn.

There are elderly who still haven't learned respect, kindness, or tolerance. They had their entire lives to strive to be the best they could be but they didn't. It's a crying shame. They had so much potential. So, I've been trying. I try to know when to turn off the sarcasm, when it's appropriate and when it's not. Among which people I have to practice restraint. When I should keep my mouth shut, and when it's alright to say what I want. I need to learn that I should only kid around when it's actually funny, otherwise I'm just being cruel.

It's hard because my natural instinct is to share with the world my opinion even if they'd rather not hear. It's better to give when asked. I'll practice humility, because I'd be exaggerating if I didn't. And exaggeration, in my book, is the equivalent of lying. I live in a society whose pastime is to mock and ridicule others. As a result, I do the same. I judge, I criticize, I pick at my own flaws in others, flaws that I otherwise would realize if I weren't so busy trying to spot them. It's a pity I'm like this. It's horrid, it's disgusting. I'm disgusting. But I'm learning, as are others. So I'll cut them some slack. I'll be more tolerant, and if I can't stand something, I'll walk away. Avoid conflict. Not run from it, but only face it when necessary.

I wanna achieve the unachievable. Imagine the unimaginable. But most of all, I want to leave my mark. Make an impact. Change the world. My dreams are on a grander scale, so they most likely won't be reached. My imagination is greater than my will, and that in itself is my downfall. This was supposed to be a brief post, but like all the rest, it never is. Thank you blogspot for letting my heavy heart unload all it's woes into bodies of text.