In the end

Before you go running amok, stressing over the lies, look in the mirror for me and tell me what you see. Now don't repeat what they say. Don't you dare. Don't let their opinions influence your thinking because they don't know you. They assume they've got you all figured out when really, they haven't the faintest idea. So promise me you won't let them get under your skin. Wipe the tears off your cheeks, and promise me you won't let them affect you. You're stronger than that, you are. Just know, in the end, your thoughts and your emotions are the only ones that matter. Not theirs.

All it takes

Is just one word. One word and I fall. Helpless. Nothing can get me back up but the sound of your voice. Reassurance that everything will be alright, even when I already know it is. I need you to remind me, because you kill me. Everyday, I die. I know because it's slow and it's painful. It's draining me, until eventually I'm all but empty. I don't know why I give you so much power. Perhaps it's because I love you so much. I love you beyond comprehension. And when you say these things, I sink. You're dangerous to me, but without you, I wouldn't be alive. You trample me and abuse me with your words. I let it in until I'm numb, until I can't take anymore. I just don't understand how I can love you so, how I admire you, appreciate you so much and all you do is continue to hurt me. I wish you'd understand. You're destroying me. I'm on my knees and I'm trembling begging you to notice. I've been waiting the longest time for you to see. Will you ever know how much you hurt me?

Life's a fact

"Hold nothing back, speak how you feel. 'Cause life's a fact, and this shit is real."

So try me. I dare you, because you might think you're right now but oh, you are so wrong

Look at it this way

Look at it this way kid,

There's no way to know what's waiting at the fork in the road

So take a risk and go where your heart takes you 

And don't regret the choices you made,

Because in the end, this is how it is meant to be

Where you end up is where you're supposed to be

I'm not going anywhere

Don't be afraid, he said, I'm right here.

In the scarceness of the light he noticed a hint of fear in her eyes.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and whispered, I'm not going anywhere.

This angle

"The only dreams that matter are the ones you have when you’re awake."
— John

Perfection

"Perfection cannot be reached, because nothing’s perfect. Things change and so can people."

— John

I guess

I could say I'm lucky that I'm not burdened or consumed by what everyone else seems to be. I guess. And they say it's better to be safe than sorry. Is it? Is it better to never experience the supposed biggest risk people ever have to take? To live an empty life? Or is my judgement just clouded by my experiences, or lack thereof? My faith in myself is fleeting, sure I have my whole life ahead of me. But I could die tomorrow and have never experienced what the majority of the world knows so well and what I know so little of. But at the same time, I don't want to have to pour my body and soul into it. My mindset has always been there is more to life than the silly thing they call true love. Speaking of true love, what is it? And why must it be between two lovers? Does that mean my love for my mother isn't true? Because if that's the case, I don't wanna fall in love. Ever. I guess.

Exhausting

I'm improving. I know I am. I wish it wasn't easier said than done, but it takes time. I can't just magically transform into the ideal being overnight, but how I wish I could. There is no ideal being, or at least I haven't come across one yet. We all have our preferences, and I have mine. I doubt I'll ever find another who'll live up to my standards, so I'll try to myself. I can't just snap a finger and hope that I will change. I know by the time I'm middle-aged I will still have a lot to learn.

There are elderly who still haven't learned respect, kindness, or tolerance. They had their entire lives to strive to be the best they could be but they didn't. It's a crying shame. They had so much potential. So, I've been trying. I try to know when to turn off the sarcasm, when it's appropriate and when it's not. Among which people I have to practice restraint. When I should keep my mouth shut, and when it's alright to say what I want. I need to learn that I should only kid around when it's actually funny, otherwise I'm just being cruel.

It's hard because my natural instinct is to share with the world my opinion even if they'd rather not hear. It's better to give when asked. I'll practice humility, because I'd be exaggerating if I didn't. And exaggeration, in my book, is the equivalent of lying. I live in a society whose pastime is to mock and ridicule others. As a result, I do the same. I judge, I criticize, I pick at my own flaws in others, flaws that I otherwise would realize if I weren't so busy trying to spot them. It's a pity I'm like this. It's horrid, it's disgusting. I'm disgusting. But I'm learning, as are others. So I'll cut them some slack. I'll be more tolerant, and if I can't stand something, I'll walk away. Avoid conflict. Not run from it, but only face it when necessary.

I wanna achieve the unachievable. Imagine the unimaginable. But most of all, I want to leave my mark. Make an impact. Change the world. My dreams are on a grander scale, so they most likely won't be reached. My imagination is greater than my will, and that in itself is my downfall. This was supposed to be a brief post, but like all the rest, it never is. Thank you blogspot for letting my heavy heart unload all it's woes into bodies of text.

They always do

If somehow you can't find your way back home back into my arms

I'll be the moon to guide you through the dark

And just know, I'm here waiting, patiently

Just close your eyes, you'll see

Riddle

She was a riddle but unlike most riddles, she was an enigma. Unsolvable. A puzzle with jagged pieces that never seemed to fit into place no matter how many times they were rearranged. It frustrated him that he couldn't figure her out, but at the same time it was mesmerizing. She left him guessing. Wanting more. A gravitational pull that he couldn't escape. A black hole. She was his ecstasy and he couldn't get enough. She was everything he'd been searching for, the unconquerable. The wild. A risk he'd be an idiot not to take. A challenge that he'd be stupid to give up. He had longed for nothing more than to figure her out. Peel back the layers, break down the walls. He usually had a knack for getting into people's heads but for some reason he just couldn't get her to crack and he had a feeling he never would. Maybe that was why he grew so dangerously attached. So dependent it made it hard for her breathe. Maybe it was because he couldn't wait any longer or he had had enough of the artificial, maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was just her. And it was, it was all of her. She proved to him love wasn't just a theory, but a fact. Every ounce of her being was what he yearned for. Every molecule of her composition. As cliché as it sounds, she completed him. He wanted no one else, the world full of choices dissipated as soon as she had stepped into his life and just as abruptly she had destroyed him the moment she stepped out. Despite it all, he knew it in his heart. She was the only who could fill the void. She was it, she was the one. But now, she was gone.

Unlonely

“Bright, just like the stars above me; proud, just like my mother planned it; short on all the things I don’t want. I’m full of love and longing. Take me by the hand and tell me you would take me anywhere. You would take me anywhere still, cause I don’t want to move a thing in hopes that you’ll fit right into me.”

—	Tegan and Sara.

I don't know if you realize

But it hurts. It makes me feel worthless when you say these words. No-good. Useless. The list goes on. It's like I'm a waste of space. I'm not good at anything, I know, but when you remind me it makes me feel like I might as well not exist. What good am I for? Nothing you say, and yet you claim to care about me? Or do you? You never come right out and say it, because I should  just know. If only you did.

I didn't know that words could hurt more than physical pain. Because while the physical pain diminishes, your poison words that sting like a blade, linger. Sometimes forever, because I know you mean them. They say if you tell a person a lie over and over again, they'll start to believe it. And I'm beginning to. The constant lies I'm fed, they pick at my brain and embed themselves into it. They tell me, "This is who you are," again and again like a broken record. Eventually, it transforms into the truth. Your intricate yet simple lies inflict so much more pain than any knife could. Did you know?

I've come to the conclusion that if I hurt so much from uttered nonsense that otherwise would have no meaning if you didn't mean so much to me, then perhaps, I shouldn't do the same. For your sake. While I admire and praise you for your qualities, you cut me down and pick at my every flaw, every wrong that I've done, every mistake that I've made and as much as I want to do the same to show you just how it feels, I don't. I can't. I care far too much. But most of all I want you to realize on your own, without my help. I don't want you to realize the way I did. By suffering the way I did. And most of all, I don't want to be the reason for your suffering.

Although Jesus said do unto others as you would have them do unto you, no one really does. But I'll prove them wrong by treating you right, even if you don't do the same. So keep doing what you do best. Hit me as hard as you can. I wish you could see, but I know you can't.

Something's missing

Something that was never there but still gone. Though I know there's a void, an emptiness because it's been tearing up at me, constantly, I don't exactly know what it is. I look around and see what I've been longing for forever in the hands of the people who take it for granted. And whenever I get the chance to capture it, when it's at the tip of my fingertips, it slips away. Like it doesn't want me back. They say in order to get what you want you have to go after it. That's never worked for me, so I gave up on that. I believe it just comes to you, when you're motionless, waiting. Only when the spider is absolutely still will it's prey come. And when it comes, it stays.

Here's to you

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

—	Jack Kerouac.