No way out but in

Shrug it off, darling, the sky ain't falling down just yet. 

Pull yourself together, girl. The worst part's only just approaching now.  

And as the seconds turn to minutes, feeling trapped, there's no way out but in. 

Nothing is lost

 Why does one begin to write? Because she feels misunderstood, I guess. Because it never comes out clearly enough when she tries to speak. Because she wants to rephrase the world, to take it in and give it back again differently, so that everything is used and nothing is lost.

- Nicole Krauss

Everything

Most of us don't know what we want but a few of us lucky ones do. Only we refuse to recognize just what it is because we're shameful, doubtful of the truth. If only we knew, it's staring right back at us. So close, we could taste its whisper if we wanted to. Beckoning for us to come a little closer, breathing us in, breathing us out. Consuming us all, entirely. Like a black hole, it pulls us in deeper, obliterating every atom, every molecule that crosses its path. Until all we have turns to nothing, until that turns to ash. Until the ash scatters and bursts into flames, until the combustion creates everything we've ever wanted. Everything we've ever had. 

For a moment there

For a moment there, you had me. You had me going with your wild fantasies, with your if-only's. For a moment there, you'd convinced me. And for a moment there, you lost me.

It's those

It's those who seek the most affection who receive it least.

It's those who seek redemption who are never forgiven.

It's those who seek only the truth who are never told.

It's those who seek only life who are never given.

Dear you

No, I can't offer you beautiful words or charming looks

I can't sway you with flattering talk or ordinary feelings

But within this heart, is all the love one person can muster.

And it's all for you and no one else, 

If that's not enough, then I don't know what is.

'Cause it could be reverse, either way, we'd make it work

If you'd just give me your one last chance

Without life, there is no love

Love is never not on our minds. 

Its function as natural as breathing. Its purpose everlasting.

But we shouldn't consume ourselves with just love.

It's redundant, we've heard it all before. 

We can't forget about life or let love overshadow it anymore

Because without life, there is no love 

This is how

So this is how it feels

When the arteries begin to clot, when the mind begins to rot

This is how it sounds

When the world begins to fade with the moon as it starts to wane

This is how it tastes

As once familiar odors linger in the room, apprehending certain doom

The only thing

We're nothing alike you and I

The only thing we have in common is we're both gonna die

We don't speak the same words

We don't think the same thoughts

But we're all going down the same road,

The only thing we have to say for ourselves now is lost

By any means

It's not as simple as it seems,

Neither complicated by any means.

It's difficult to recognize the error in our ways as we choose to be blinded 

Until our sight all but fades 

Gamble

If it's a gamble so what? No one ever said it wouldn't be a risk.

If it's worth it or not, hell there's a lot more to it than this

False everything

False sympathy, false hope, false beliefs, false idols, false memories.

What do we conjure if not lies? 

If everything proves false, what's the underlying truth of this chaos we call life? 

Bitter pill

What are you so afraid of? 

Just open up wide and swallow the bitter pill of life 

As you're peering outside your window

You'll find the things you've been avoiding all this time

All the wasted nights you had stayed up

Trying to figure out what to do with what's left behind 

Filthy, menacing

They call you filthy,

Notorious for your vulgar talk, known for your wild walk

But to me you're beautiful, despite one hell of a twisted soul

You're in disguise, I know, I can see through the angst in your eyes

If they'd just take a closer look, they'd find compassion buried deep inside

They call you menacing,

But you're just like anyone else, alive and well

Save for differences you don't quite understand

What you are is yin and yang, both the sun and the moon

You've got the cruel world in the palm of your hands

If only you knew, you steal breaths as you enter the room

Inner beauty

"it’s all about inner beauty. you don’t know it, but you’re all fuckin’ awesome, okay? there’s not one single person that has the same set of genetics as someone else. so from this day forward, everyone should feel like one: an individual, and two: fuckin’ beautiful."

—

john o’callaghan

Trust

I just want you to know, there is such a thing as trust.

I can prove it, I'm trying to, because I've been where you are. 

And it sucks don't it? Yeah, I know, it does. 

I know how you feel, you see, I've been broken too. 

Well you fixed me up nicely and my only wish is to do the same with you. 

Don't be afraid to believe, you know I wouldn't lie to you. 

Like I said, I know how it feels, and it's not something I'd want to put you through

I miss everything

And the way you'd slur every verb and how you'd emphasize every other word you'd say. The way you'd run your fingers through you hair. The way you'd smile that awfully, beautiful, crooked smile, that still gets me to this day. I miss the sound of your voice, blowing on my neck, causing my hairs to stand on end and a shiver to course through my spine. I miss placing my lips on those soft smiling eyes and the way your lashes tickled them sometimes. I miss how when we spoke, we'd finish off each other's sentences, it still blows my mind. I miss how we meshed so well, like two pieces of the same puzzle. I miss how it felt to be in your arms, safe and warm, like I was indestructible. I miss your tender touch, when you'd lift my chin towards your face and I'd take your cheek in my hand and we stayed in that position for what seemed like days. You can't forget the rush we both felt just before our lips first met. I miss when the only sounds we would hear were your fingers drumming against my skin, and the sweet nothings you'd whisper in my ear. I miss that one night in particular where we laid in the darkness together, silent and still for the longest time, wrapped in each other, our legs intertwined. My head resting against your chest, taking in your every scent. Do you remember that? When our day to day worries evaporated into thin air as we laid together so close to the world yet so far away? I miss the day when you told me I was yours and you were mine, and how so suddenly, that very same day you had changed your mind. I miss you. Will I find another you? I'm losing hope in mankind. I just don't wanna try, and be disappointed to find no one else compares. My first shot was perfect. But that shot's gone and past. Alas, you're not coming back. Do you even remember who I am, or am I just a silly insignificant story you tell all your friends? Don't tell me I'm just another paragraph in your life, when you took up chapters in mine. 

Something

All I ever do is hope, hoping all this wishful thinking won't go to waste. 

 Hoping it will be for something that compensates for all my time spent waiting for nothing. 

A form of something worn out, a something in my heart screaming another something awful loud. 

I've seen it happen and I've seen it break like all things do. 

Unlike all things though, I can say for sure, that this on the other hand is infinite. 

The tragic truth

Whoever said tomorrow is promised was a hopeless romantic 

Here's the tragic truth: your life don't mean shit at all 

Put ourselves out on display just to feel extraordinary 

Live everyday like it's a holiday 

In reality, we're all gonna waste away 

Time's running out so we'll 

Go out of our way just to have our names written down

Gilded shells

We're never satisfied so we lie.

Caught up in a web, till our realities die. We're empty, gilded shells, hollow inside

Not only victims of the disease but culprits to the crime.

We think we know what we don't.

Half-truths told are forming a spiral, nothing short of a dangerous cycle 

The only ones

We choose to be fooled

It's easier to expect they speak only the truth

Let's sleep our lives away cause we got nothing else to live for

We speak out loud like we're the only ones who deserve to be heard 

Set it free, won't you

There's life within you, dormant but very much alive

Believe me, I can see it reflected in your eyes

See this smoldering fire? It's building inside

Begging to break loose, seeking your permission

Set it free, won't you? Set it free

Death of me

The highest highs and the lowest lows

We're learning balance, but God why does it take so slow?

The thoughts that run wild at night will be the death of me

Dreams so impossible, I doubt I'll ever know

Don't feel so discouraged

Don't feel so discouraged son.

What matters most doesn't lie out there but what lies in here.

He said as he pointed to my chest.

But you're what matters to me most, I objected.

Oh but you see, there's one special place where you'll always find me, 

Where I will last long after I'm gone, long after I've faded from your memory 

And that place is this, in here. 

I nodded despite being unsure exactly what he meant

Throw it all down

Throw it all down,

We saved up enough to haul ass outta this godforsaken town

So we'll load up the trunk, and drink it all up

We're reliving the rush just so we can stay young

And we listen to the world but we don't hear a sound

Because the awful truth is time's working against us

So we'll confront our demons one last time

Before we can finally leave the past behind us now

Your freckled green eyes I doubt I'll soon forget

The sound of your voice still haunts me at night

But don't worry so much baby 'cause I can guarantee

I'll be seeing you standing there on the other side

The Void

The emptiness she hides it well because it's all she's ever known. It's tearing her to bits and pieces, but I doubt that you can tell

You're dangerous, she knows, but she just can't seem to quit. She tells herself she's got nowhere else to go

Before long you'll come to find that the lies you fed and false love you led stole the innocence from her life

She's dying now for you as she sinks deeper into the void, hear her crying out for you though she doesn't make a single noise

Story that's never been told

You're addiction in its deadliest form 

You're the song in my head that never gets old

You're the calm before the storm

We're the story that's never been told, waiting to be heard

Ode to the Nice Guys

"This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming."

The Perfect Lie

It's the sparkle in your eye, boy you've got me hypnotized

Kill me with your touch, darling I swear I could die

I'll only ask once, so say you'll stay by my side?

It's a shame how obvious it is that

You and I, we're just living the perfect lie

Love don't last

Before the sun sets baby, take my hand

Let's get lost in the wilderness

Prove the world wrong when they say love don't last

Like two souls

I could never do anything right, but you always thought otherwise

Lately I've been overwhelmed with the nostalgia enveloping this town

Everywhere I turn, I can't seem to escape your face 

And I try so hard to erase you from my memory

But you went and left a permanent stain on my heart 

Struggled through days that taught me to never drop my guard

Your shadow long gone is embedded in my mind 

Like two souls crashed into each other yet somehow survived